Winds of change

Have you ever stood in the wind - just stood there? Felt it on your face, blowing through your hair almost feeling like it’s surrounding you? Have you ever had the wind take your breath away?

Sometimes the wind is a gentle constant breeze ever so slightly touching our skin, blowing the leaves on the trees. Other times there is a momentary gust that takes us by surprise causing our hair to blow and taking our breath away, bending the branches on the tree. Sometimes the wind blows so hard it takes all our strength to just stand and it tests the roots of the tree.

I think emotions are a lot like the wind no matter what the emotion: happiness, sadness, frustration, confusion, anger, love, hate, disappointment, etc. We never know how or when the wind is going to touch us.

At times they are just a gentle constant breeze - always with us. Gently stirring our heart. Just a part of our every day life. Always somewhere with us but never causing change just like the leaves on the trees blowing in the breeze.

Sometimes they rush to the surface like a gust of wind. They catch us by surprise taking our breath away, tugging at our heart causing us to try to understand them. As we bend like the branches we learn to navigate those feelings.

But sometimes when we least expect it they hit us hard. They touch our hearts deeply. They disrupt our daily routine. They test our roots.

Over the past couple of months my winds have been gentle, no rushes, no gusts. I was enjoying that, but then winds of change came and came with a gust - not quite a gale force gust but still a gust. But you know I am OK with it, no I am more than OK with it, I am happy the gust came. My roots are strong and my heart is filled.

“One thing you can’t recycle is wasted time”

A great quote I saw on a local flower shop’s sign. Goggled it to find out what wise person said it but it seems it is from an unknown source.

The definition of time according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary -

a : the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues

b : a non-spatial continuum that is measured in terms of events which succeed one another from past through present to future

Each of us is given 24 hours in a day - no more - no less. What we choose to do with it is up to us. Maybe that time is spent “doing”; actively doing the things that need to be done. Maybe that time is spent “being”; listening, watching, thinking. Or maybe that time is spent not doing, not being - wasted?

Lately I think I have been wasting a lot of time.....

My roller coaster

Taking the next step and it is filled with anticipation, excitement and relief. But I am also finding it filled with something else - sadness. Words seem to be the gift I have been given and so I am going to use them to work through the next several weeks.

The last 60 days I feel like I have been on a roller coaster - like the Fahrenheit coaster at Hershey Park

Heart pounding, palms sweating, excitement tingling through your body and the slow ascent to the top of the hill begins, pause a moment and then comes the plunge down the other side without even a moment to realize the swiftness of the descent. Then only to be thrust into a spiral and end up upside down and back right side up again. Can’t forget the series of mini hills with each one your stomach does flip flops until you reach the slow down.....

Putting my house on the market, having my oldest graduate, selling my house the day I took Andrew to West Virginia University for new student orientation, frantically renegotiating the sale when the home inspection came in and then when the appraisal too low; oh and don’t forget trying to find a place to live on short notice ~~ this has been my roller coaster. (and I am pretty sure that is a huge run on sentence)

Through it all I was focused on the end result. A place to live, to call my own. The next step in my journey. Only today that focus was replaced with something I wouldn’t allow into my life over the last 60 days - emotions.

Packing the house today I was over come with a sadness that has consumed me. The mere act of keeping it together until now has drained me Now the release of all the emotion has left me with wet cheeks and heavy eyelids.

My house, the one I have raised two of my children since birth in and one since he was 3 will no longer be my house on the 22nd. I know, I know a house isn’t a home and my home will follow me where ever I go but it is still hard to think of it as someone else’s.

The memories are forever in my heart and mind and will follow me. The next house will become my new home until the time comes to make a change again. So for now I will allow myself the time to remember, laugh and cry. The day I walk out the door for the last time I will look ahead and not back - I’m not saying it going to be easy though.......