Where's the lifeguard

During the past week I have had two conversations with wise people.  It's been one of those weeks where I needed to lean on friends.

During the first conversation I was reminded that I can't let people get inside my head and that is exactly what I have been doing.  Allowing them to pressure me to think the way they want me to.  Everything from thinking my blogs are dark to the state of my head and heart.  Not any more.  It is time to listen and process but not let it consume me.

The second conversation happened today and I have been thinking about it all day.  A friend who is wise beyond his years offered this analogy when I told him I am walking in a spiritual desert - far from God - that I had turned my back.  

He said think of it like a swimming pool.  The kind that gradually slopes down from the shallow end to the deep end.  I have been playing and swimming in the shallow end for a long time. Slowly I began to move toward that deep end.  Not really noticing I was going down that gradual slope until I no longer could reach the bottom.  My footing was gone and I was treading water.

I am tired.  I am having trouble treading water.  I am slowly going under.  The lifeguard - God - is right there.  All I have to do is cry out and he will save me.  But I can't or won't or don't remember how.  So here I am still treading water - getting more and more tired - but STILL remembering the lifeguard is always on duty.  I just need to call out...

Cold

The sun is shining brightly today.  The temperature has warmed up.  So why do I still feel so cold?  This is the kind of cold that permeates every inch of your body.  A cold which occurs in darkness.  A cold which frosts your heart and soul ~ that separates you from the Son.

No that isn't a typo - it's the kind of cold that only happens when you feel disconnected from God.  God hasn't turned His back on me - I have lost my way.  Somewhere along this journey called life I forgot that God's love is unconditional.  I began to feel unworthy of His love.  I ran from His arms instead of into His arms.

Today during worship I was reminded that He is there waiting for me.  I am not sure I know the way back.  I am sure I still don't believe He is waiting with arms open - how could He be - not where I am at this time....

Maybe this song from Three Doors Down will help explain where I am at this moment in the journey called life....

I will keep you posted on my finding my way back.

Direction

I seem to be at one of those places were the path ahead of me isn't straight. There are different paths to follow. Which one should I take? Each one is unique but all have a common theme - doing what God needs me to do - but which one?

Should I stay on the same path - forge ahead - continue course but is that just the safe path? Continuing to do what I have been doing will probably yield the same results as it has been yielding. That may not be a bad thing. Maintaining a little stability.

Do I take another path? Am I ready to try a new direction - is it time for change? But which direction? There is more than one path ahead. How do I know where to go? What if the path I choose is a dead end? How will I know if I am on the correct path?

There are so many questions - I guess I will have to follow God's lead, trust Him and know He will always be there to guide me.

Still

I spent the day doing something I haven't done in - well - let's just say I don't remember the last time. I was still.

Being still doesn't sound like a hard thing to do but I never seem to find time to just be. There is always something to do, something to think about, something someone wants or needs, words I think I need to say. Life always seems to get in my way.

When I let life stand between me and being still I am the one who loses! I can't hear what God is trying to say to me. I put Him on hold and go about living, thinking that I'll get around to listening later or that I already know what God has to say.

Lucky for me God is patient. He knows I will run dry. He waits for me to just be and that's what I did today.

I floated on a raft in my mom's pool for over an hour. Not talking, not thinking, just laying there feeling the warmth of the sun, hearing the birds singing, being rocked by the gentle waves ... listening.

I was reminded that life goes on with out me - that no matter how much stuff I cram into a day the only thing that can refresh me is to be STILL and let God talk to me.

One of my favorite songs says it better than I could. I invite you to check it out - "Still" by Watermark.

Faith/Trust

Sometimes - well most times - God needs to use the good old swift kick in the pants or the brick upside the head approach with me. It seems I had forgotten something and it was time for my wake up call.


In the last three weeks I have been faced with opportunities which have required faith. Each week offered another opportunity to have faith that God was with me. Each another brick, another kick.


The first week my oldest went for his driving test. Every parents fear, well at least it was mine. My child will no longer need me to taxi him around. He will now have freedom. All this went through my head before I even picked him for his test.


As he drove to the testing center I kept reminding him of every little tip I had ever heard. As we were just about there he said, "I think you are more nervous than I am." Scary thing is he was right! I needed to have faith that he was ready, that all the practice hours had taught him what he needed to know and that God would be guiding the way as he got behind the wheel both during the test and each time in the future.


Two weeks ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and began a blog. Talk about having to rely on faith. Without having faith that God would guide my hands, send a support system, and provide words I would still be stuck in that comfort zone. Not seizing an opportunity to grow. Once again scary.


Today my oldest had his wisdom teeth out. Talk about faith. I must have asked God a thousand times to keep him safe, to guide the surgeons hands and for a quick recovery with little pain. Then as I was driving it hit me - that little feeling in my gut. You know that quiet voice inside that reminds you God has it covered. God was with him, the surgeon and me as I waited.


This one was the scariest. I don't mean Andrew having his wisdom teeth out, I mean the fact that I had forgotten that God was with me. I thought I was "going it alone". Had I been relying on my own abilities and not trusting God? Had I felt alone? Did I forget God was always with me? YES! That little voice inside said, finally. Now it's time to stop going it alone and time to trust, time to have faith and know that God is always with me.


This week I am committed to memorizing, meditating on and living - Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." So if you see me ask me how I am doing.

Time to grow

"You must do the things you think you cannot do."

Eleanor Roosevelt

Today is the day I start doing things I think I can't do; like creating a blog. Yesterday with the help of Matt (an awesome Youth Pastor and Mentor) I created this blog as a way to inspire and share my own perspectives about life and all it has for us. It has taken me until today at 3:30 to actually gain the courage to sit and write.

Stepping out of my comfort zone isn't always easy for me. Each time I step out of that zone it gives me the opportunity to grow, learn and have faith that God is beside me. So the journey begins and I am glad you are along for the ride.