Mirror, mirror.....

Mirror, mirror on the wall … who is the fairest of them all?  I am sure all of us has either said those words out loud or thought them when we look in the mirror.  For me the answer goes something like this....

The mirror answers in my voice … certainly not you – 

look at how fat you are, look at those wrinkles, and that hair……

We all know someone who feels that way.  Maybe it’s a friend or neighbor – a niece, an aunt, your daughter, or maybe it’s you.  For me, it’s my reflection in the mirror, my voice answering what - are you nuts - it certainly isn’t you!

For as long as I can remember I measured my self worth by whether or not I had the right hair cut, the right clothes, the right weight, or the right boyfriend.  I could never be “good enough”, “thin enough”, and “pretty enough”.  What made me think I could measure up?   

That’s when it began - that emptiness in my heart. I yearned to be loved – to be seen as beautiful.  The only way for that to be is to have perfect hair, great clothes and a killer body – after all that is what the media says.

As a teenager I stood 5’8” tall and weighed 115 pounds.  I was to skinny for most but not skinny enough for someone to love me - at least that is what I thought.  If only I could fix myself…that’s when I began skipping meals.  At first it was just breakfast.  I would justify it by thinking I don’t really like breakfast food anyway.

When that wasn’t enough I started skipping lunch.  My mom would pack me a lunch and I would stuff it in my locker.   I would come home from school and eat everything in sight until bed time.  Then I would feel guilty, worthless, and weak and I would start the whole routine over.

By the time I was in college I had convinced myself that I was ugly.  That the only way to find love was to be what I saw on TV, in magazines or in the movies.  I would go days without eating.  If someone asked me about it I would make an excuse or "pretend" to eat.  You know push the food around the plate, take a bite or two. 

Don't get me wrong there were times where I eat - eating like there is no tomorrow - binge eating.  Each time after a binge I feel even worse and beat myself up.

Genesis 1:27 says “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” 

Wow – God created me – in His image.  He sees what no one else can.  When he looks at me he sees the beauty he created; the woman that he knit together in my mothers’ womb, the person who is wonderfully created.  If we are created in God’s image how can we be anything but beautiful? 

In Nicole Johnsons’ book “Keeping a Princess Heart in a Not-So-Fairy-Tale World” she writes…

“God tells us that he knew us in our mother’s womb.  That he smiled at our birth and he knows everything about us.  That he sees our aspirations and our dreams, our struggles to keep our hearts from pretending or denying.  He tells us that he knows us, even better than we know ourselves.  And best of all, he knows something beyond what we know:  He knows what he is calling us to become. 

At this crossroads, then God whispers something in our ears that can change our hearts forever.  The Lord of the universe, the Creator of heaven and earth draws near to our hoping, trembling hearts and whispers one word:  princess.”

 

Can you imagine – Gods calls us princess.  He calls each and every one of us princess.  Wow I am a princess… a princess. 

Circumstances change, years go by yet I still struggle with the same feelings of worthlessness.  Only now I find myself eating or should I say not eating even more frequently.  I still see a completely different image staring back at me.  I wish I could see what others see.  Just once I wish I could look in the mirror and say "wow look at the princess God has made me to be"

I look forward to when my day will start something like this.......

Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of all?  

The mirror answers in another voice, God's voice… why you are.

I say but, but..... the mirror says – Princess you ARE beautiful!

And I say "Yes I am"