Depression hurts

I am sure you have seen the commercial about depression. You know the one that says "depression hurts". Well it does. It also affects all you do and everyone you interact with.

This has been a difficult time for me. I can dance all around looking for answers to why I am where I am but the answer is I am working my way through a darkness. My actual diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder but that is for another day when I am ready to be a little more transparent.

I've struggled with depression for a while. There are up times and down times. The holidays are always hard but this year seems to be even harder. I am not sure why and I may never know why.

I do know that there are four things that keep me going; God, my children, the knowledge that brighter days are ahead and good friends. The kind of friends who don't judge, who love me for who I am. Friends who are always there, who sense when things just aren't right and those friends who will spend a full day sending text messages back and forth. Thank you!

If you are struggling with depression reach out, seek a good therapist, surround yourself with people who care and RUN to God. He will hold you in his arms until you can stand on your own again.

Blank pages

Sometimes the words just are not there. For me that has been the last two months. I have spent many hours sitting in front of my laptop only to shut it down without having typed one word. I have spent equally as many hours trying to figure out why the words have gone.

I thought, "maybe blogging was not for me" only, this was affecting more than my blogs. Anything I needed to create was blank. There had to be a reason - maybe if I just tried harder...

No - what I needed to do was to focus. Not on where the words went or why they went but put my focus back on God. There I said it. I stopped putting God first. I was so caught up in "me" that I pushed "Him" out. It was just about that time when the words dried up.

It's amazing what happens when you lose your focus but even MORE amazing what happens when you get your act together and refocus....

Seeing the forest through the trees

Sometimes it is so hard to see the forest through the trees that we forget why we were looking for the forest in the first place. I now know I not only couldn't see the forest but I had completely lost the reason for looking.

By not looking I found what I was looking for - the why. The why I first became involved in Student Ministries. The reason I have stayed so long. So much of my time and energy went into trying to figure out why I was involved in Student Ministries and where I fit that it became just another thing I did.

Don't get me wrong I still put 110 percent into everything I did. It just became routine. A sense of obligation, a duty. I intellectually understood the urgent need for such a ministry but I no longer had that passion in my heart and soul for or belief in why I was serving in Student Ministries.

I found the forest by walking away from the trees. By taking the time to stop looking for the answers I began to feel that passion again. That why.

I now have a clear view of the forest. I am excited about the future, energized and ready to dig in. Stay tuned for what that forest looks like. I can't wait to share it.

If you are having trouble seeing the forest through the trees - take some time - stop looking for the forest and somehow it will find you.

I'm back!

After taking some time off I'm back. I took time to work through the questions weighing on my heart. I don't have all the answers but I am confident I do have the strength to work through the rest. It may take some time - intraspective, honesty with myself and patience but in God's time I will find the answers I need.

Parents and Youth Ministry

I am looking for a little give and take on this one. If you are, were, or in the future will be or may be the parent of a student in 6th - 12th grade who is involved in a Youth Ministry program I have a few questions.

1) What things would you like to be informed about?
2) If you could ask a youth pastor any question what would it be?
3) If you volunteer what are your reasons and if you don't why (just wondering)?
4) What form of communication would you prefer?
5) Would you attend meetings? If so how often and what day of the week?

Thanks for all your help.

Bowling

Step one of traveling down another path - I was clueless. Lucky for me I don't have to wander around in circles, I have someone - or should I say someones (I don't think that's a word but it works) to help.

A wise friend, Frank, the interim Director of Student Ministies at CCV is helping me to navigate my journey. This week he used a great metaphor to help me understand what a small group facilitator does and how he is going to help me take that first step and the rest to follow.

Picture a bowling alley - without guidance the ball may or may not hit the pins and may or may not end up in the gutter. Add bumpers and the odds of hitting the pins increases to 100%.

I have been trying to hit the pins for a long time. Asking myself where my passion lies, where God needs me to serve and where I will land. Now that the bumpers are in place I am confident I will be able to answer those questions.

So .... step one ... I am taking 3 weeks off from my usual duties. Taking the time to regroup, refresh and renew. At the end I should be one step closer to answering my questions.

Decision

The question that has been on my mind - what path do I follow? The current one - aka the safe one or do I venture out of my comfort zone and take a new path.

I've been standing in the middle of the intersection for too long. It's time to move ahead. God is nudging me to travel down a new path. I am not sure what lies ahead but here goes.

I do know that God will be with me, that I have people who will help me and that this won't be the last time I stand in the middle of an intersection. With each intersection comes the opportunity for growth.

I am inviting you to follow my path - each twist, turn, hill and valley. I think the journey is going to be an adventure.