Taking the next step and it is filled with anticipation, excitement and relief. But I am also finding it filled with something else - sadness. Words seem to be the gift I have been given and so I am going to use them to work through the next several weeks.
The last 60 days I feel like I have been on a roller coaster - like the Fahrenheit coaster at Hershey Park
Heart pounding, palms sweating, excitement tingling through your body and the slow ascent to the top of the hill begins, pause a moment and then comes the plunge down the other side without even a moment to realize the swiftness of the descent. Then only to be thrust into a spiral and end up upside down and back right side up again. Can’t forget the series of mini hills with each one your stomach does flip flops until you reach the slow down.....
Putting my house on the market, having my oldest graduate, selling my house the day I took Andrew to West Virginia University for new student orientation, frantically renegotiating the sale when the home inspection came in and then when the appraisal too low; oh and don’t forget trying to find a place to live on short notice ~~ this has been my roller coaster. (and I am pretty sure that is a huge run on sentence)
Through it all I was focused on the end result. A place to live, to call my own. The next step in my journey. Only today that focus was replaced with something I wouldn’t allow into my life over the last 60 days - emotions.
Packing the house today I was over come with a sadness that has consumed me. The mere act of keeping it together until now has drained me Now the release of all the emotion has left me with wet cheeks and heavy eyelids.
My house, the one I have raised two of my children since birth in and one since he was 3 will no longer be my house on the 22nd. I know, I know a house isn’t a home and my home will follow me where ever I go but it is still hard to think of it as someone else’s.
The memories are forever in my heart and mind and will follow me. The next house will become my new home until the time comes to make a change again. So for now I will allow myself the time to remember, laugh and cry. The day I walk out the door for the last time I will look ahead and not back - I’m not saying it going to be easy though.......
